Things your work can teach you - BY SHRUTI NAIR.

“The Secret of Change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new”

-Socrates

This happens to be my last contribution to the blog of Search 4 Excellence. My stay here has been a stepping stone in my life. The worth of an emotional reaction to something is defined by the people who induce it. Hence, I want to take this opportunity to write a letter to my 15 year old self, specifically telling her of what all she is going to experience in this particular phase of her life.

To,

Dearest Shruti,

You must’ve just completed your 10^th board exams recently. Don’t worry about not knowing yet what to do with your life, things take course in a way such that they always take you where your heart lies; even when you don’t know where your heart lies. You will move on to study some great works of mankind and eventually find your passion in it.

This passion of yours will make you meet some amazing people. You will meet these people in your ‘professional life’ and they will teach you way more than skills to work better or how an organization functions.

They will teach you things you will remember all your life. You will learn that sometimes people put in a lot of hard work in getting to know you, and that they will never show you. So, think twice before leaving someone.

You will learn that when things are not looking good for you, when life hits you with a crisis, you will find the most random people who will get you through it. They might do it knowingly or unknowingly but you will find them. So, hold tight during the roller coaster ride.

They will prove to you that people, who are genuine and honest, during an interview, actually go on to add more value than people who are smart with witty answers. So, always look for truth, more than money, more than love.

You will begin to realize a beautiful truth: The most overwhelming personalities are, sometimes, the softest at heart. So, give everyone the benefit of doubt.

Everyone has one thing that the world needs. You will learn that if you didn’t find something special about someone, change your perspective, and give them a chance to show you.

 Most of all you will learn that it’s okay to be weak. It’s even better to know your weaknesses because then you can focus on your strengths.

Remember to let them know that they are amazing and that the company they run is developing more than great employees.

Yours truly,

Shruti.

ANALYSING ROOT EMOTIONS - By Shohrat Shankar

Emotional Intelligence is based on the principle of Emotional Awareness, along with others.

Being aware of one’s own emotions is critical for just about everything. From your Self Esteem to relations with others and your success and progress. In fact your happiness depends on how aware you are of your emotions. On how much you know and truly understand why you feel the way you feel.

In this article I plan to illustrate how Emotional Awareness impacts your Self Regard, Self-Actualization and thus everything else in your life.

Over the years I have conducted numerous workshops on “Relationship Management” where I have a short section on Emotional Awareness and many of my observations are from there.

Positive & Negative Emotions

I normally start the session with asking people to list some emotions. Before they start I ask for some examples and in 8 cases out of 10 I hear ‘Anger’ or ‘Fear’ being said first.

Most people are not able to list beyond 8 emotions. The most common ones are: Anger, Sadness, Fear, Happiness, Love, Joy, Frustration, irritation and Jealousy.

One thing I notice every time is that we tend to list more negative emotions than positive, sadly often “Love” comes in way down on the list. I often wonder why it is so and on delving further and asking people I found that people tend to register the negative emotions they feel while mostly ignoring the positive feelings in the day. 

You might have noticed, when you asked somebody how their day went you will either hear a neutral response “OK” or if somebody had a bad day then they will say it. The percentage of people who say they’ve had a ‘great day’ is relatively smaller, in fact it takes a major positive event for most people to say they had a “Great Day”, on the other hand, it doesn’t take much for people to label the day “Bad”. Is it true that most of our days are either “Bad” or “OK” and very few “Great”? Or is it more likely that we tend not to register the small positive emotions that we feel in a day?

So 2 important factors to remember are:

• “Am I focusing on enough positive things around me or only the negative emotions?”

• “Do I register the small-small nice things or positives that people do or do I fixate on the few things that they did not do?”

The answer to these questions tells me whether I look for Happiness and positivity in whatever I do. It tells me whether I am a happiness magnet or not.

Root Emotions

The second thought I drive is the need to understand and analyse the real reason or cause for my emotion. Similar to doing a root cause analysis in, it is often important to do the same for our behaviour and emotions. Let me try and illustrate with an example.

Let’s say that in a meeting with my colleagues and boss a task is assigned to me and immediately a colleague of mine asks if I need any help. Citing an example where I had failed in a situation when I had done it on my own.

Now many people here would be happy and graciously accept or decline the offer. However, some people would get upset and feel there was an underlying reason for the colleague to offer support in front of the boss.

Some might feel he was doing it to appear like a good team player in front of the boss and others might think he wanted to put me down in front of the others. 

The important thing for me to analyse is “Why” or “What” is making me feel that way? What is the real reason for the reaction?

In order to understand my root or real reason for reacting I need to look at the following A-B-C-C model.

A – Activating event (Colleague offers to help)

B – Belief (He’s trying to put me down, He’s trying to show his competence over mine in front of the boss)

C – Consequence (I react and get upset either in the meeting room or later start to distance myself from the colleague)

C – Challenge 

In order for me to change the Consequence I need to Challenge & Understand my beliefs and the cause for my belief.

When challenging I need to ask myself, Am I sure he is trying to put me down? Does he do this often? Does he also sometimes just willingly offer his hand in assistance? Have I seen him doing this with others?

The answers to these questions will help one rationalise the beliefs and one might realise that probably he could really want to help.

Then it is important to understand the reason for your beliefs. Is it that you really feel scared of doing this task alone? Do you doubt your own competency in fulfilling this task? Do you feel that the colleague is really more competent than you? 

Often we are unwilling to accept the reality of the answers to the above questions and unless we dig deep to understand and accept the reality we might never be able to understand our real emotions and will never be able to challenge the beliefs that cause us to react.

So understand the real reason for the Belief to know why you feel the way you feel and thus react the way you react.

IT'S YOUR CHOICE- By Eva Chawla

Your life is a result of the choices you make. If you don’t like your life, it’s time to start making better choices because in the end, we only regret the choices we didn’t make.

Most people may disagree with or even reject the above statement. The idea that each person’s life is directly proportional to the choices they have made is not easily digested. Most of us feel life is completely fated or it’s only the lucky few who actually get to enjoy it. It’s this feeling that gives self-assurance that we are not to blame for our current situation and that we are just pawns in a never ending chess game. Well, in this brief blog I’m going to show you how your life is what you have made it and as you realize this you can take the necessary steps to change the outcomes of your future.

A friend of mine once told me, “it would be so wonderful if our life was like the movie ‘Zindagi Na Melaigi Dobara’” and I said “It can be if you choose it to be.” it’s a statement that shook him to the core of his being. He gave me a list of reasons why the choice is out of his hands: my parents, financial situations, sister’s marriage, starting a new business, obligations to others. Just like my friend we can all relate to these reasons and hence feel our life is not controlled by us. It is not uncommon for us to be a self-saboteur and compound that with a victim mentality; this is a choice we make as well. But let me tell you one thing, if we start making choices that benefit us along with others, we will start achieving pinnacles of success we never dreamed possible.

Let’s look at how we currently make choices: say we have an aggressive boss who is super negative and only likes the sound of his own voice. What would we do in this situation? What is the choice we make? Well for most of us the choice is not even a choice, we must continue to endure the cruelty of this bull of a boss. After enduring an entire day of unhappiness we go home only feeling distraught with work and life. The bottom line: if we hold our breath and then blame others of our inability to breath, the result is only us losing consciousness.

The simple fact is, life doesn’t get better by chance; it gets better by choice. So if you are unhappy about your boss, change the way you feel or the way you think or the place you are or the way you work or the work itself or try to build a relationship with the person who causes you discomfort. The world is our oyster, we can chose the number and type of pearls we wish to have. There is no clear cut answer to any problem; there is no clear cut choice; there is only what makes us happy and making good choices that support that feeling. Life is a Roller Coaster and through its ups and downs, we can either chose to scream or enjoy the ride.

Consider this: with Choice comes Freedom; with Freedom comes Responsibility and with Responsibility comes a Choice.  The choice is always in your hands and you alone carry the responsibility for your life. Do you want to live your life from where you were yesterday or from where you want to be tomorrow? Let’s use a simple model to aid us make better choices with no regrets and reclaim the life we truly want to live.

Every Action or Choice we make has a consequence and every consequence comes with both desired and undesired effects.

Let take an example: You and you colleague had joined your organization at the same time 2yrs back. Both of you are equally qualified, skilled and knowledgeable. Both of you want to grow fast in the organization. However only one of you can get a promotion. Your colleague (who is single), knowing this starts taking on more work and spending longer hours at the office to complete his new responsibilities. Now you have a choice: taking on more work like him or decide to go home on time for you family.

What would you do in this situation? If you decide to go home, because you family comes first, that is a choice you have made

Desired Effect: spending quality time with your family, we can have work life balance, life is not all about work, able to start fresh the next morning

Undesired Effect: your colleague gets a promotion faster than you.

Some of us will chose to go home and then complain when that colleague gets promoted over us. Some of us will feel forced to stay longer hours and take on more responsibilities and then complain that work is becoming our entire life. Happiness is not based on making choices out of fear or insecurity. Happiness comes when we make choices based on what holds important to us in life. So if family is more important, make choices that support that priority, then be willing to digest both the positive and negative consequences of that decision.

Another situation: Say your boss asks you to prepare for a big presentation that will take place the next day. Your Choice: to prepare the presentation or not. This is an easy choice, we will chose preparing the presentation. Now let’s throw another element in this choice. Just as you sit to prepare, your closest friend come to your place and shows you tickets to a movie you have been longing to see. Here comes the major choice: to prepare for the presentation and not go for the movie or postpone the preparation for after the movie.

Almost everyone will choose going for the movie first, as we convince ourselves we have a lot of time and can easily work on the presentation after the movie. Let’s look at the desired and undesired effect of going for the movie first.

Desired Effect: we build on the relationship, reduce on the days stress, have some fun and entertainment and even building on some creative ideas for the presentation.

Undesired Effect: reduced time for the actual preparation, lack of sleep due to working late into the night, increased stress about the next day and the extent of content in the presentation, inability to call any person for clarification due to the late hours, increased stage fear the next day, insecurity about the outcome of the presentation and even cursing the friend for showing up at the worst possible moment.

Now if had chosen the presentation instead of the movie, all that would have happened is that we would not have ‘Fun’ or be ‘Entertained’ and all the undesired effects would move into the desired side.

Have we every told ourselves, ‘I wish I had known this earlier, I would not have made the same choice’ or ‘ I wish I could turn back time and change my choice’. Well we all know we can’t turn back time, but this action consequence model will help us evaluating the desired and undesired effects of any difficult choice we need to make.

However, even after careful evaluation we still chose to go for the movie first, we need to deal with the negative consequences as we would have made a conscientious decision.

It’s your Choice!!

What it takes to be “The” Leader?

What it takes to be “The” Leader?

What is it that takes to be “The” leader? The world has pondered over this question since time immemorial. While pondering, we have also scrutinized and analysed the leaders that have existed. We love to criticize them and always hold onto the thought that we would turn out to be better leaders than our present leaders.

Think about it, doesn't everyone want to be a leader at least once? Unfortunately, we work under the impression that we are / will be good leaders. Because, this is fueled by our own “idea” of what a good leader is.

So, how do you find out if your “idea” is synonymous to the world’s idea? Well, we have highlighted 5 major skills or competencies that are the markings of a good leader. 

Shared Leadership

Being a leader is so much more than leading a team to achieve their goals. As a leader, your job is to know your organization’s vision and mission and constantly drive it within the team. To be a leader who is result oriented or profit oriented, you need to be able to connect with your team and counterparts at a personal level. You need to synergize partnerships with your stakeholders and most importantly, your customers. If you can create a bond with your customers then you can drive your team to please the customers as well. Being a leader is perceived as a solitary task and it sometimes is. However, a good leader will always bring people in together and then act rather than dictate what needs to be done. The central idea is be the leader who is a good follower.

Self Discovery

Who likes a leader who doesn't lead by example? It’s an age old wisdom that is often spoken but the meaning has become redundant. A leader is good only if s/he “Walks the Talks”. Live by your principles and preach them. Only then, will you have a team in sync with you. Be aware of your strengths and weakness. A leader is admired and respected if s/he accepts their limitations. Humility is a good trait to have in a leader. Be humble enough to open yourself up to learning new methods, but, always have passion to be the best. The key is to be humble and passionate which the team then perceives as approachable.

Supports People Development

Be a leader for the people. Easier said than done! Good leaders have good teams. Be a coach and mentor to your team. Empower by giving the space to explore and express. Demand excellence and motivate your team to constantly achieve more. However, in the end, be the leader who realizes that his or her team is humane and have issues far larger than work, as that’s the leader who is voted as the “best boss of the year”. 

Strives for Results

All the talk about being people oriented and discovering oneself is moot if you can’t drive results. It’s your task to set goals and find solutions. It’s your

responsibility to make decisions and execute them well. A leader is like the

captain of a ship, s/he needs to set a course, foresee problems and calamities and re – route the path accordingly. Lastly, deliver quality while meeting quantity. History proves that, a team that has delivered qualitative and quantitative results are valued more than teams with quantitative results only.

Strategic Innovation

Lastly, be a leader who lives, breathes and drives change. Don’t be the person who is comfortable with a system, so settles in and gets old living it. Be the change or be the one to help change. To state the cliché, change is the only permanent in life. You, as the leader, need to not only invite innovative ideas but also help your team to come up with ways to implement them.

In the end, be the captain who is approachable, humble, result oriented and drives change. To be an exceptional leader, use these 5 skills in tandem and you will have solutions to all problems you might face. Being a leader is easy, but being ‘The’ leader makes your team and you reach new heights.