Self expression: By Shruti Nair

“When words become unclear, I shall focus with my camera. When images become inadequate, I shall tune in to my guitar and when the strings break, I shall resort to the language of silence”

As kids we were never worried about what we say. If you really observe children you’ll find that they don’t let social etiquettes or the feeling of not hurting the other person get in between their self expression. As we grow, learn more about the world, bag new experiences, we begin to limit ourselves when communicating with people.

Although some of us still have our younger self inside us and don’t fear or embarrass speaking our mind out. These people are often regarded as rude, insensitive but then what they really are, are a breath of fresh air in a world of constant guessing, contemplation and miscommunication.

There is another kind of expression that is wrongly presented as self-expression, the kind we use in media. Our thoughts, words, when speaking in a public medium, are often dependent on ‘what’s in trend’. Let’s not even get to the internet scammers or bullies; but even the general public who hardly post their opinion on trending topics, when they speak of their personal lives, are often analyzing, over analyzing if their ‘self-expression fits the right cut. Any restricted form of expression will not bear the feeling of being connected with one’s inner self, same as a self-expression will have.

To get down to really understanding what stops us from communicating our true thoughts, one must introspect on the famous quote of self-expression i.e. “self-expression must pass into communication for its fulfillment”.

Now, there are many ways one uses other forms of art for expression of one’s thoughts. Where some use painting, writing, music, others use riding, social service, cooking etc. using a productive medium to communicate one’s thoughts is the best way to deal with life’s unpredictable nature.

Speak the Truth when needed

Very often we leave a conversation feeling we didn’t say what we wanted to say or we fantasize about what we could’ve said. Learn to understand what stops you from speaking your mind in a conversation and work towards overcoming it. Speaking your mind politely and with sensitivity takes a lot of patience and practice.

Don’t find, but, define yourself

People often say, “I need to find my true self”. Well, you are living your “true self” every day. It’s not another person or an event but something you define within you. Hence, think deep and hard about how you would truly define yourself? A person’s experience of life is what defines them and their inner most self, it is expressed through the activities one mostly invests ones time in. So, first define your qualities and then the actions that truly define you.

Learn your choice of art

We all have our ways of expressing; it’s the one thing which makes us really satisfied. Observe what you do after you have had an unsatisfied conversation with someone. Do you listen to music? Do you watch movies? Do you start cooking? Do you pick up a pen and start writing? It may not be immediately but you will know when it happens. This will be your way of expressing which needs to be inculcated in your routine.

Take time to know yourself

How many of us really take some personal time out and think about ourselves? Do you really know what makes you angry? What is that one value that you will not compromise upon? What makes you truly happy?

Take time out and introspect on who you really are and define yourself. It makes things easier for you and people around you to live in harmony.

Pursue your Passion

We often mull over not being happy with what we do or not finding our passion. But passion is something you would have to already be doing; else it’s not your passion. There are some activities that we effortlessly do better than others. That’s where we should look for passion. I had a friend who mulled over not finding a job in engineering for 2 years but jumped with excitement when he got any animation assignment. Most of us would find it a tedious job but he did it quite effortlessly and skillfully. There are many such activities we do, and not realize that our passion has been staring at us all along.

Think about what a peaceful place this world would be if we all found our way of expressing!

ANALYSING ROOT EMOTIONS - By Shohrat Shankar

Emotional Intelligence is based on the principle of Emotional Awareness, along with others.

Being aware of one’s own emotions is critical for just about everything. From your Self Esteem to relations with others and your success and progress. In fact your happiness depends on how aware you are of your emotions. On how much you know and truly understand why you feel the way you feel.

In this article I plan to illustrate how Emotional Awareness impacts your Self Regard, Self-Actualization and thus everything else in your life.

Over the years I have conducted numerous workshops on “Relationship Management” where I have a short section on Emotional Awareness and many of my observations are from there.

Positive & Negative Emotions

I normally start the session with asking people to list some emotions. Before they start I ask for some examples and in 8 cases out of 10 I hear ‘Anger’ or ‘Fear’ being said first.

Most people are not able to list beyond 8 emotions. The most common ones are: Anger, Sadness, Fear, Happiness, Love, Joy, Frustration, irritation and Jealousy.

One thing I notice every time is that we tend to list more negative emotions than positive, sadly often “Love” comes in way down on the list. I often wonder why it is so and on delving further and asking people I found that people tend to register the negative emotions they feel while mostly ignoring the positive feelings in the day. 

You might have noticed, when you asked somebody how their day went you will either hear a neutral response “OK” or if somebody had a bad day then they will say it. The percentage of people who say they’ve had a ‘great day’ is relatively smaller, in fact it takes a major positive event for most people to say they had a “Great Day”, on the other hand, it doesn’t take much for people to label the day “Bad”. Is it true that most of our days are either “Bad” or “OK” and very few “Great”? Or is it more likely that we tend not to register the small positive emotions that we feel in a day?

So 2 important factors to remember are:

• “Am I focusing on enough positive things around me or only the negative emotions?”

• “Do I register the small-small nice things or positives that people do or do I fixate on the few things that they did not do?”

The answer to these questions tells me whether I look for Happiness and positivity in whatever I do. It tells me whether I am a happiness magnet or not.

Root Emotions

The second thought I drive is the need to understand and analyse the real reason or cause for my emotion. Similar to doing a root cause analysis in, it is often important to do the same for our behaviour and emotions. Let me try and illustrate with an example.

Let’s say that in a meeting with my colleagues and boss a task is assigned to me and immediately a colleague of mine asks if I need any help. Citing an example where I had failed in a situation when I had done it on my own.

Now many people here would be happy and graciously accept or decline the offer. However, some people would get upset and feel there was an underlying reason for the colleague to offer support in front of the boss.

Some might feel he was doing it to appear like a good team player in front of the boss and others might think he wanted to put me down in front of the others. 

The important thing for me to analyse is “Why” or “What” is making me feel that way? What is the real reason for the reaction?

In order to understand my root or real reason for reacting I need to look at the following A-B-C-C model.

A – Activating event (Colleague offers to help)

B – Belief (He’s trying to put me down, He’s trying to show his competence over mine in front of the boss)

C – Consequence (I react and get upset either in the meeting room or later start to distance myself from the colleague)

C – Challenge 

In order for me to change the Consequence I need to Challenge & Understand my beliefs and the cause for my belief.

When challenging I need to ask myself, Am I sure he is trying to put me down? Does he do this often? Does he also sometimes just willingly offer his hand in assistance? Have I seen him doing this with others?

The answers to these questions will help one rationalise the beliefs and one might realise that probably he could really want to help.

Then it is important to understand the reason for your beliefs. Is it that you really feel scared of doing this task alone? Do you doubt your own competency in fulfilling this task? Do you feel that the colleague is really more competent than you? 

Often we are unwilling to accept the reality of the answers to the above questions and unless we dig deep to understand and accept the reality we might never be able to understand our real emotions and will never be able to challenge the beliefs that cause us to react.

So understand the real reason for the Belief to know why you feel the way you feel and thus react the way you react.