ANALYSING ROOT EMOTIONS - By Shohrat Shankar

Emotional Intelligence is based on the principle of Emotional Awareness, along with others.

Being aware of one’s own emotions is critical for just about everything. From your Self Esteem to relations with others and your success and progress. In fact your happiness depends on how aware you are of your emotions. On how much you know and truly understand why you feel the way you feel.

In this article I plan to illustrate how Emotional Awareness impacts your Self Regard, Self-Actualization and thus everything else in your life.

Over the years I have conducted numerous workshops on “Relationship Management” where I have a short section on Emotional Awareness and many of my observations are from there.

Positive & Negative Emotions

I normally start the session with asking people to list some emotions. Before they start I ask for some examples and in 8 cases out of 10 I hear ‘Anger’ or ‘Fear’ being said first.

Most people are not able to list beyond 8 emotions. The most common ones are: Anger, Sadness, Fear, Happiness, Love, Joy, Frustration, irritation and Jealousy.

One thing I notice every time is that we tend to list more negative emotions than positive, sadly often “Love” comes in way down on the list. I often wonder why it is so and on delving further and asking people I found that people tend to register the negative emotions they feel while mostly ignoring the positive feelings in the day. 

You might have noticed, when you asked somebody how their day went you will either hear a neutral response “OK” or if somebody had a bad day then they will say it. The percentage of people who say they’ve had a ‘great day’ is relatively smaller, in fact it takes a major positive event for most people to say they had a “Great Day”, on the other hand, it doesn’t take much for people to label the day “Bad”. Is it true that most of our days are either “Bad” or “OK” and very few “Great”? Or is it more likely that we tend not to register the small positive emotions that we feel in a day?

So 2 important factors to remember are:

• “Am I focusing on enough positive things around me or only the negative emotions?”

• “Do I register the small-small nice things or positives that people do or do I fixate on the few things that they did not do?”

The answer to these questions tells me whether I look for Happiness and positivity in whatever I do. It tells me whether I am a happiness magnet or not.

Root Emotions

The second thought I drive is the need to understand and analyse the real reason or cause for my emotion. Similar to doing a root cause analysis in, it is often important to do the same for our behaviour and emotions. Let me try and illustrate with an example.

Let’s say that in a meeting with my colleagues and boss a task is assigned to me and immediately a colleague of mine asks if I need any help. Citing an example where I had failed in a situation when I had done it on my own.

Now many people here would be happy and graciously accept or decline the offer. However, some people would get upset and feel there was an underlying reason for the colleague to offer support in front of the boss.

Some might feel he was doing it to appear like a good team player in front of the boss and others might think he wanted to put me down in front of the others. 

The important thing for me to analyse is “Why” or “What” is making me feel that way? What is the real reason for the reaction?

In order to understand my root or real reason for reacting I need to look at the following A-B-C-C model.

A – Activating event (Colleague offers to help)

B – Belief (He’s trying to put me down, He’s trying to show his competence over mine in front of the boss)

C – Consequence (I react and get upset either in the meeting room or later start to distance myself from the colleague)

C – Challenge 

In order for me to change the Consequence I need to Challenge & Understand my beliefs and the cause for my belief.

When challenging I need to ask myself, Am I sure he is trying to put me down? Does he do this often? Does he also sometimes just willingly offer his hand in assistance? Have I seen him doing this with others?

The answers to these questions will help one rationalise the beliefs and one might realise that probably he could really want to help.

Then it is important to understand the reason for your beliefs. Is it that you really feel scared of doing this task alone? Do you doubt your own competency in fulfilling this task? Do you feel that the colleague is really more competent than you? 

Often we are unwilling to accept the reality of the answers to the above questions and unless we dig deep to understand and accept the reality we might never be able to understand our real emotions and will never be able to challenge the beliefs that cause us to react.

So understand the real reason for the Belief to know why you feel the way you feel and thus react the way you react.

The Power of Nature-By Shamika Khatawkar

Have you ever given yourself time to just wander around and explore the nature that surrounds you? Have you ever observed it keenly and identified what power it possesses? Have you looked for solutions to your problems within nature?  If not yet …surely do it sometime. You will end up being amazed by its beauty, generosity and enigma.

The elusive concept ‘nature’ is pretty hard to define but relatively easy to comprehend. It is diverse and far beyond our imagination. It is what surrounds us, nurtures us and facilitates our very existence.  It is something which self-sacrifices to meet our demands more than ‘needs’. Nature is an inspiration. It is a source of energy, it is peace, harmony and an ‘unconditional giver’ that only gives and never expects anything in return.

Nature plays a significant role in our lives. If we see the ancient civilizations we can understand that those civilizations related to nature in an astonishingly different way as compared to us today. Earlier civilizations were pretty close to nature, for them nature was a deity which was to be worshiped, preserved and taken care of. Every activity in those times revolved around nature, all questions were posed to nature and their solutions were derived from nature itself. Our ancestors were in close proximity with nature, not only physically but also psychologically, spiritually and emotionally.

For them nature become everything; a source of livelihood, a source of leisure and also a source which could heal every malady. Every individual back then had a very strong bond with this ecosystem; with its trees, leaves, animals, insects, creepers, sounds of birds etc. Individuals learnt several life lessons from nature and while they did so they associated their feelings and emotions with it.

The beauty and majesty of nature acted like a mantra in meditation for them, slowing down the normal ‘thought-chatter’ in minds. As a result of it, these individuals experienced an inner stillness and energy which contributed to their overall mental well-being and self-awareness and hence on an average these individuals experienced less stress in life. However, in the contemporary times the forces of urbanization, development and progression have somehow pushed individuals away from nature and have deprived them from reaping its benefits. Individuals now a days are confined only to man-made environments which lack

essential warmth and healing power as compared to what nature offers. These environments are so sophisticated that they leave very little room for nature to be conserved and embraced.

Apart from this, all of us are constantly tied up with our workplace and family responsibilities thus removing qualitative time for ourselves to come in contact with nature is next to impossible. As a result of this, we are unable to bond back with nature and to be one with it, as our ancestors did.

We are unable to associate our feelings and emotions with it and this deprivation is preventing us from experiencing the innermost stillness and energy which it offers. This in turn leaves us strained and exhausted both physically and mentally.

And hence before its too late, it is important for us to take out time for ourselves, just to wander off amidst nature, to reap its benefits of rejuvenation and to be amazed by its beauty, generosity and enigma. Hope all of us do it soon!

TO MA’AM, WITH LOVE - By Latika Kaul

“Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears;

I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.

The evil that men do lives after them;

The good is oft interred with their bones;

So let it be with Caesar.”

 Act III, Scene II, Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare

To this day, I get goose bumps when I hear or read these lines. The credit for this goes to a strong, dignified and fierce woman who commanded attention from the moment she entered a class. Mrs. Lakshmi Menon.

 The very first memory that I have of her is of terror as she screamed at our class for making noise during a free period. Fast forward to standard IX, she became our English teacher. And then everything changed. I changed. The fear disappeared, all that was left was immense amazement, respect and gratitude.

She taught us with such passion, fervour and enthusiasm that in every class we were transported to different worlds. She introduced us to Saki, Wodehouse, Frost, O. Henry, Keats, Tennyson, R. K Narayan and many more extraordinary writers and poets. She didn’t just teach us their stories and poems, she breathed life into them. She talked about the author’s lives and what must have led them to write their masterpieces.

And then there was Shakespeare. These were the classes I think everyone enjoyed the most. Julius Caesar was like a roller coaster ride with all its ups and downs. We hated Caesar for his arrogance and yet were left agonized over his brutal death. We initially looked up to Brutus, then despised him for scheming with Cassius and eventually pitied him for his nobility. Marc Antony, however, was a favorite amongst us all.

The defining moment that not only changed the plot in Shakespeare’s play but also in my life was Anthony’s funeral speech. It wouldn’t be wrong to say that Mrs. Menon was as good an orator as Shakespeare wrote Anthony to be.  

She not only taught us their stories but always inspired us to write our own. We were no longer kids who wrote boring essays, she saw us as adults who were capable and allowed to write romances, thrillers, horrors or the simple truths of our lives. Due to her encouragement many students began to write and share their work, including me. She always appreciated us, as well as helped us identify ways we could write better. For me, my first achievement in this field was when I received a 23 on 25 on my essay which was a story. Contrary to this, I got a zero in my letter writing for three term exams for making minor mistakes like adding an apostrophe, ‘s’ in, ‘yours’ or missing a comma somewhere. But thanks, to this I now know how to write a perfect formal letter. Before her classes I was not even remotely interested in reading, but like many other things, this too, changed. The very first book I read (in the actual sense of the word) was, ‘The Ambler Warning’ by Robert Ludlum and after that there was no turning back. 

One of my all-time favourite movie genres is of films depicting teacher- student relationships. Films like, Freedom Writers, Remember the Titans, Lean on me, Dead Poets Society and even Sister Act. These are films I can watch over and over again. As I was writing this article, I realized why I love these kind of films. It’s simply because I can relate to it. In all these films, the protagonist who is a teacher or a coach changes the lives of his or her students in ways that were unfathomable before. You might say that this only happens in films but I can assure you, it happens in real life too and I have experienced it first-hand. I have also heard people complain that gone are the days when teaching actually meant something, days when teachers whole-heartedly took interest in their student’s lives or even bothered to take interest in their subject.

While this could be true, let’s not forget that students on their part hardly remember, appreciate or respect their teachers.

The ultimate fact, however is that teachers have always been and will always be an integral part of any student’s life.

So, to all the teachers, I wish you a very happy teacher’s day and I hope that you realize what an immensely honorable responsibility it is to be a teacher. May you continue to mould impressionable minds and light the way for the future generations.